Divine Fifty-Nine

This spring I turned 59.

By the time a person turns 59 they should let go of the self-doubt. They should drop-kick the critical narrator in their head that tells them: “You’re no good!”

Often this isn’t our own voice. It’s the outside insistence of people who want to sell us products that allegedly make us beautiful or worthy of love and attention. Or the calling out of those who judge us before they’ve met and gotten to know us.

Either way this is their issue not ours. I want more for my followers than to be beleaguered by self-loathing for even 5 minutes of your life.

Fifty-nine is the time to rebel the status quo. To go after what you want in this Third Chapter of your life.

Last year I thought long and hard about what goes on. The reality is that the media darlings who spread hateful and hurtful rhetoric need you and me to be who they think we are–or they would be out of business.

The fault is that social media algorithms and old-fashioned editors think hate and anger garner clicks and sell books. It’s called “clickbait” for a reason.

As a disc jockey on FM radio decades ago I played the Queen Latifah song “U-N-I-T-Y.” This sentiment appears today in an as unlikely place for inspiration as ever: Harper’s Bazaar.

The current edition is the Beauty issue. In a feature article two activists give quotes.

Latoya Ruby Frazier:

“If we want real DEMOCRACY, if we want real CHANGE, then we have to do it through UNITY and SOLIDARITY.”

Dolores Huerta:

“If we LOOK BACK on HISTORY, the big POLITICAL CHANGES we have made HAPPENED because we all came TOGETHER.”

I’ve believed all along that the media darlings who attack readers have no vested interest in the cause I champion: recovery and reconciliation.

At 59 years old I choose not to have anger. My first book Left of the Dial talked about recovery.

Choosing recovery made all the difference in my life. I firmly believe that recovery is possible from whatever illness trauma or injustice a person faces in their life.

In whatever guise recovery comes to us I believe living in recovery is far better and healthier than harboring fear anger or resentment for the rest of our lives.

Positive change happening is not a one-sided affair. Each of us can shift the needle with our own actions however small those actions might be.

What I’ve learned at 59 is that I’m okay just the way I am. You’re okay too.

Happy birthday to us spring babies! Here’s to years to come of health wealth and happiness.

Healthy years to do good and to enjoy life. Wealthy years in terms of an abundance of what gives us joy. Happy years to live in love.

Seeing Possibility Not Pain

The page above was taken from the current issue of Harper’s Bazaar. The magazine focuses on a new theme each month. With a musical director offering a Playlist you can listen to by scanning a QR code on the playlist page in the magazine. The songs in the set riff on the month’s theme.

The fact is I’ve always been a person who wanted to help others have their own version of a full and robust life. Harper’s Bazaar explores: How we create possibility for ourselves and others. That is exactly what I have tried to do in my Advocate work: make what seems impossible to achieve a reality for those of us who want to have a better life.

Though I hadn’t written about this intent using the specific words Harper’s Bazaar did above this was my vision all along. I believed that recovery from a mental health issue was possible when other people said it wasn’t.

Too today I’m an optimist in thinking that recovery is possible from whatever illness trauma or injustice we face. In whatever guise recovery comes to us we can reclaim our power to have that full and robust life in however that life appears to us as.

It comes down to not comparing ourselves to others. Like I said what makes us different gives us an advantage. We must fight the powers that be in the old world order that is dying. Those people are trying to retain their power. We must refrain from allowing ourselves to be coerced into following along in the hate judgment fear and shame that infect our relationships and how we relate to each other.

Having experienced a hardship this motivated me to focus in my Advocate work on fostering healthy relationships as the gateway to recovery.

Now some of us might be in poor health physically. Yet though we’re not in remission from an illness we can still recover in terms of having a life that is filled with joy meaning and purpose.

The relationship you have with yourself is the first line of power in enabling you to recover.

Oh–I realize how hard it can be to get ahead in a world that seems designed to stop you from getting ahead. In a society where the “scarcity mentality” has people grabbing on to their share of the American pie and holding or for dear life scared others will take it away from them.

We’re not enemies. We’re allies all of us in recovery from whatever has gone on in our lives that has conspired to keep us from daring to risk achieving our goals.

This is the thing about self-power as I define it: Deciding for ourselves the kind of life we want to have and going after our goals with gusto IS possible in the face of obstacles.

So it comes down to seeing possibility not pain. Not denying that the pain is real. Using our pain as the catalyst to discover our life purpose.

Here’s the thing: the word inclusion is a buzzword bandied about. But some of us don’t care to and have no interest in being given a seat at that table where the old gatekeepers with their privilege doled out the place cards and told people where to sit. We’ve been told by the old guard what to believe about each other. Told to bow down to the person at the head of the table.

The mead we’re told to drink is poison. We’re killing ourselves and our planet by following along in grabbing for bigger better more.

A person like me is content to fly under the radar. My assertion is: it’s not a prize worth striving for to want to be included in a society where those in power are afraid of those of us who act true to ourselves.

I remember the quote yet not who first wrote it: We cannot just change the story. We need to change the storytellers.

It’s 2024. I dare you to tell your story, live your story, and show up as yourself in every relationship you have with another person.

Only then will recovery be possible.

Giving Fear the Boot

Tabitha Brown on Day 6 tells readers to: Wear Something That Makes You Feel Good.

In further encouragement to buy the book I’ll quote the author:

“And let me say this: if you are scared to do something as simple as wear what you want without caring what other people are going to say or think, then I’m going to encourage you to spend more time with yourself. You don’t know who you are. You are afraid of you.

That’s the real truth. You might be saying that you are afraid of what other people might think, but really you are afraid of you. The power of you.”

How true it is that we (especially women!) fear letting our light shine. We’re often told and conditioned NOT to shine our light. As if there is something wrong with us for promoting ourselves.

As the caboose of my fifties started rolling in my life my train of thought ran towards an exit track. No longer could I care what other people think of me.

Like Tabitha Brown has figured out the fear of doing something like wear a hot pink pantsuit is rooted in being scared to express ourselves. The term I’ve coined is “self-power.” As the train rolled into the station of 59 I started to think about how every one of us has the self-power to achieve our goals.

Even in the face of experiencing a trial (or two or three!) I make the case that in ways that might be small if not big we can change our lives for the better.

I’ve learned firsthand what it was like to be afraid of the Power of You. Tempted to believe that by not making waves other people would like me and accept me.

Only how is it possible to like ourselves if we cower in the face of the cowards who expect us to know our place and not get out of line. Has repressing our identity or personality ever gotten us anywhere or where we wanted to be.

Why is it we’re afraid to get what we want and be who we are and take a stand for what we believe in.

Fifty-nine is rightly the caboose to that train of thought.

Coming up on this birthday all sorts of insight hit me about how to grab life by the horns and enjoy the wild ride.

Fifty-nine is the time to KO the fear once and for all.

More exciting epiphanies coming up. The train to freedom is now boarding.

Magnetic Appeal

I turn 59 soon. In the coming weeks I’ll have more to write about what I’ve realized on the cusp of the last year of my fifties. I call my sixties the “This is It!” Decade. I want to go out of my fifties with a bang.

One thing I realized that I’ll share today is that post-50 it’s high time to do not just dream of doing what we want. To make our goals come true we must act true to ourselves. Living as a pale imitation of someone else is the surefire way to waste our precious time on earth and make ourselves ill.

Uncorking our full-bodied selves is the only way to succeed.

I wanted to talk about self-presentation. Angelina Jolie first used this term in an interview in a fashion magazine about her new atelier shop in lower Manhattan.

Self-presentation lies in how we dress in clothes. More than this self-presentation is the act of showing up as yourself wherever you go. This is the only way to live.

Otherwise, ill health is the guaranteed outcome of repressing your real self to get people to like you. They might prefer the you who conforms to how they want you to be. Not the bold assertive champion you long to be.

Yet acting false to yourself will cut you off from experiencing the pure joy that comes from being your real self. Let the rivers of emotion flow that you feel in living your life.

It can seem facile to tell readers to do what the quote magnet above tells us to. I submit that as hard as this is to do (in the face of the shame wars and the bigotry going on) it’s imperative to let your beauty shine through.

The fact that nobody else sees your beauty or mine or thinks that we’re worthy is often shame-inducing when we want others to love and accept us for who we are.

In the face of the judgment, I will always make the case for showing up as yourself whether people like that you do this or not. You are not here to mollycoddle people who are uncomfortable that you take up space. What if you dare not only to exist you demand full equity and inclusion in society.

A person like me is content to be a Visionary trendsetter who doesn’t follow along in the mainstream and in doing what’s popular and following and repeating hearsay.

You might want to be given a shot at having the kind of job and life that is ordinary.

I haven’t met a white picket fence that I wanted to live inside.

Coming up a review of part of the Tabitha Brown book that gets at a common way that a lot of us cower in the face of the cowards who are afraid of the Other of those of us who appear different.

What makes you and I different gives us an advantage.

Seeing the Eclipse

The one thing I did today was spontaneous. At first I didn’t want to view the eclipse. Then I took the chance using the free solar eclipse glasses the New York City public libraries gave out to customers.

This is how the eclipse appeared through the glasses. Another solar eclipse will come around in 21 years. I’ll be 79 then.

It was quite a spectacle in the sky to view the solar eclipse. A moment of transcendent awe on an ordinary Monday afternoon that turned into a Wow!

Living Free

The book above I recommend buying though I checked it out of the library.

In I Did a New Thing: 30 Days to Living Free Tabitha Brown cheers on the reader. The more of us who motivate each other like Brown does for her readers the better off America will be.

I was mistaken in the previous blog entry: Brown isn’t an Emmy-winning actor she was Emmy-nominated. Instead of having sour grapes when she didn’t get the award she hosted a celebration for herself simply because she was nominated.

Day one of the 30-day challenge was to Do Something Fearless. For this I swiped on a deep purple lipstick. Not earth-shattering in terms of a bold move. Yet awe-inspiring nonetheless.

Couldn’t find a lavender or lighter shade like the tube I was using that wore out.

Brown has this to say: “Your freedom and transformation aren’t about how big or small that new thing is. It’s about what God is saying to us all through them.”

She believes her whole life: “Is a testimony to what can happen when you release the noise, comparisons, and outside perceptions and simply do the new thing.”

Swiping on the deep purple (the Sephora matte collection Watch Me shade) was a big deal. Precisely because I’ve thought that with my black hair and pale skin I look like a Gothic clown wearing dark lipstick.

Finding a statement lipstick that doesn’t make me look garish was the start of a grand tour in doing new things.

What new things might each of us do if we didn’t care what others think of us?

How to Be Old

I bought this book last week. Critics on Amazon railed against her privilege to do the things she’s achieved. I wasn’t turned off by her lifestyle. In fact it inspired me to think positively about my sixties: the era I call the “This Is It!” decade.

For all my adult life I had a different haircut every three years. That changed three years ago when I fled the second former hairdresser who subjected me to haircut horror.

In 2021 I risked going to a trendy salon. E. expertly cut my hair the way I wanted it showing her a photo of the first woman president of my alma mater. Ever since then I have what is going to be my forever haircut.

Too short my hair resembles what Andy Warhol’s haircut would look like if his hair were black. The haircut costs $90 today not a cheap sum.

I’m thinking of my now forever haircut considering having read How to Be Old by Lyn Slater the Accidental Icon blogger. She has become famous and is 70 years old.

As I turn 59 this spring, I would like to go out of my fifties with a she-bang. I’m exited to turn 59. The eight years since I turned 50 have gone by like eight days. I’m glad to be getting older.

Like Slater who originally quoted David Bowie in her blog I’ll do so here:

“Aging is the extraordinary process whereby you become the person you always should have been.”

Ever since I was a teenager, I did NOT want to get married and raise a family. I was only 15 or 16 years old when I knew this. While in college the only thing I aspired to was to have “an artist’s life in the city.”

My goal as I turn 59 is to break the rules at every opportunity. While I might not reach icon status it’s clear that I might always be an iconoclast.

To get you to buy the book I’ll quote Kim Gordon the former bassist of Sonic Youth who wrote in her memoir Girl in a Band: “I’ve always believed that the radical is more interesting when it appears ordinary and benign on the outside.”

How a person appears often belies that they’re radical in their thinking and how they approach living life.

For better or worse my claim to fame will always be living life Left of the Dial.

The older I get I find myself rebelling the status quo as a matter of course.

Your age should be all the rage regardless of the number of candles on the cake.

Bringing the Flavor

At the library I placed on hold the book I Did a New Thing: 30 Days to Living Free by Tabitha Brown the woman featured on the BHG cover above. I’m the first person waiting for the book so I’ll get it first.

Brown talked in the interview with BHG editor Stephen Orr about going on a freedom walk to uncover and express her true self. First by keeping her North Carolina accent intact and not trying to change it.

Brown is an Emmy-award winning actor whose book I’m excited to read. In the interview she talked about finally not caring what other people think of her. She identifies as an “entertainer” her umbrella term for her prolific multiple roles as an actor, influencer, positive lifestyle coach, and businessperson.

If I had to describe myself I would say that I’m a “chief joy officer” who wants to make people feel good. Like Brown with her infectious good humor I’ve chosen the hard path of going on my own freedom walk.

Brown’s journey began when she was in ill health. Her fame took off when her video about eating a TTLA vegan sandwich went viral. Tempeh tomato lettuce and avocado. She is a vegan yet unlike some other vegans won’t judge people who eat chicken and fish.

Like I’ve written before your greatest pain can be the catalyst for figuring out your life’s purpose.

Brown sells with McCormick her own flavorful spice packets. She has vegan and home goods on sale at Target.

BHG is a better magazine now. Though I don’t own a house or have a husband and kids I check out the magazine to read. Precisely for its articles featuring individuals like Tabitha Brown.

By the way I have a New York accent. Tomorrow sounds like tomahrruh and pillow sounds like pilluh. It’s sistuh too not sister as if I’m rapping a song : )

Living Lightly

On a kick I am after reading Project 333 to simplify my life.

The above book I recommend reading and if you want buying as a reference.

The author attests:

“When you release physical clutter, mental clutter often gets swept away with it, giving you a jump start on your path to inner well-being.”

Too the author understands:

“The goal is not to get more done but to have less to do. Fewer distractions and more focus lead to freer, more fulfilling days.”

The single most useful advice she gives is to create “white space” around objects. Seeing overstuffed cabinets, closet shelves, and dresser drawers can overwhelm us.

After I donated 20 bags to thrift stores in the last three years I no longer need to spring clean all the time. There’s space surrounding everything now. The contents are lean, and I feel serene.

Reading Lightly I had one issue: the author assumes the reader is a woman. Aside from this I recommend reading Lightly first so that you don’t have to get to the point where you need to offload 20 donation bags.

Living lightly upfront you won’t have to go through one of Marie Kondo’s “tidying festivals” in the end.

My Winter Capsule Collection

Winter Collection (January February March):

1.Green Adidas Nora sneakers

2.Black platform Adidas Gazelles

3.Purple boots

4.Black boots

5.Black low booties with white rubber soles

6.Black stack-heel booties

7.Black pouch boots

8.White jeans

9.Winter white skinny jeans

10.Black jeans

11.Teal jeans

12.Green jeans

14.Navy pants

15.Silver-coated pants

16.Black-and-silver skirt

17.Black-and-white plaid skirt

18.Blue boucle ankle-length skirt

19.Dark green sweater

20. Black turtleneck

21.Navy cashmere V neck sweater

22.Dark blue-and-black striped sweater

23.Royal blue cotton V neck sweater

24.Purple marled sweater

25.Raspberry-color sweater

26.Black cashmere V neck sweater

27.Red-white-and-black sweater

28.Black matte sweater

29.Black sweater with red polka dots.

30.Purple sweater dress

31.Pink blazer

32.Turquoise green wool jacket

33.Black long-sleeve tee shirt                                                 .

34.Pink long-sleeve tee shirt

35.Pink striped blouse  

36.Dark blue long cardigan

37.Black long cardigan

38. Francesco Risso Uniqlo tee shirt

39. Striped Globe Uniqlo tee shirt